Chris Dane - Captain
Newly appointed for the 2010 season, Captain Dane intends to lead his troops into battle from the front, setting both the tone and example, for where he leads, others will be sure to follow. Not one to shirk a challenge, the Great Dane will doubtless be barking orders, sniffing out weaknesses in the opposition and licking balls (to ensure swing under the appropriate conditions).
Goweresque at the crease, deadly with the ball, laconic at the bar with a love of Noel Coward impressions, herein lies the cricketers cricketer, a genuine all rounder with a love of Menorcan gin and penchant for home grown rosemary with his Sunday lunch.
Not since the sound of willow on leather stirred distant memories of scones and lashings of strawberry jam on the barren wasteland of Bounds Green municipal park during the golden years of the BT youth team has captaincy troubled Mr Dane and he will doubtless be referring to his spiritual mentor CB Fry for inspirational field placements and off the pitch incentivisation.
Strategy is one thing, implementation another and knitting your eyebrows together with copper flex something else altogether but this season will be a watershed, we'd all like a potting shed (if we had the space) and after all, there's something to be said for getting away from it all and slugging back afew pints of homebrew with just your Grandad's old lathe as company. Three cheers for the skipper!
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| From Malta 2008 |
Chris Boden - Vice Captain
A surprise appointment at last years AGM, not least to himself, having been contacted in absentium due to a Goweresque inspired flying related self induced bout of nausea, our newest and most promising overseas signing had a barnstorming 2009 season and hopes to continue this form into the forthcoming year.
His deceptive swing bowling and powerfully elegant strokemaking more than caught the eye and was rewarded amply with a plethora of silverware now adorning his sumptuous rural retreat nestled away in the Buckingham shires. If he starts as well this year as he did last year, the principle concern could be resisting urgent calls home to prop up an increasingly fragile and shell-shocked-sheila loving national side reeling at the impending arrival of the all conquering, ashes holding England first XI.
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| From Miscellaneous players & matches |
Chris Wright
The resignation of Wrighty as captain at the 2009 AGM marked the end of a great era for West X1. The club flourished under his popular stewardship, and grew more eclectic in its outlook. Much of this is down to his outgoing, easy going nature, and his joy in the spicy over the bland. In his final press conference, choking back the tears, he blurted "Whilst I've enjoyed captaining the club over these past few years I do feel that is time to have some new blood at the helm. Like a loaf of bread I feel the club captain has a limited shelf life, and I have no wish to become mouldy toaster fodder. I still have a lot to offer the club and will approach the new season with added enthusiasm." Here's hoping he bowls in plenty of 'hovis' this season. Geddit?
Indeed Wrighty is the all time West X1 leading run scorer, with the ability to dismantle the oppositions bowling in a matter of overs. His bowling probably suffered through being captain, but he can be hostile and volatile in equal measures. Off the field interests include alcohol, prayer meetings, singer song writers, literature, wine, travel, ginger monkeys, cycling and squash. Both off and on the field he carries the air of a 1940s fighter pilot, from his foppish hair to his devil may care insouciance, via his reclining deck chair deportment. But definitely more David Niven than Kenneth Moore.
He loves farmyard animals.
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| From Somerset 2009 |
Kevin Allerton - Chairman
Along with Stevie B, Ali is the last of the remaining founder members still playing today. His position as the club chairman was once seen as unassailable. However in recent years younger ambitious bucks have been pecking away at his authority. He has not been club chairman for 10 years without being able to fight his corner. In a move of staggering bravura he managed to wrong foot his wannabe usurpers simply by not bothering to attend. Genius! Would that Caesar had the foresight to stay in bed with the mid March blues.
A solid lower order left handed batsman and a still athletic if rudderless fielder, Ali is integral part of the team. One of the games thinkers, he is never short of advice for the captain, or anyone else prepared to listen. Unusually for a former mariner, Ali is utterly unable to remain at his post for more than 5 minutes. Known as the Ali drift, he has the propensity and inclination to move up to 50 yards from his allotted position in any given over, normally to offer advice to the nearest fielder, and then stay there. In common with Maggie Thatcher, Ali hails from Lincolnshire.
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| From Miscellaneous players & matches |
Steve Bignell - Secretary/Treasurer
'English as tuppence, changing yet changeless as canal water, nestling in green nowhere, armoured and effete, bold flag-bearer, lotus-fed Miss Havershambling, opsimath and eremite, feudal, still reactionary ...'. One has to assume Vivyan Stanshall was familiar with Stevie B when he penned these immortal words, if not in homage then surely in knowing reverence. Founder member, former captain, prolific leading run maker, wicket taker and catcher, scorer, umpire, archivist, author, humourist and kit man, at the age of 62 he retains the enthusiasm and love of the game that would shame the average 12 year old public schoolboy. One struggles to imagine where WestX1 would be without Steve's enthusiasm and drive.
For all his positive traits one cannot rush the mild mannered former tax inspector from Palmers Green. Those old enough to remember Ken Brown taking 6 hours to get round St Andrews, or who witnessed Don Howe's Arsenal team of the early 80s know there must be a yin to sporting glamour's yang, and Steve's batting resides four square in the kingdom of Yin. That he has accumulated over 5,000 runs is testament both to his longevity and the patience of those at the other end. He bowls fewer overs than times gone by but normally contributed with more than his fair share of wickets, and is also a reliable stand in keeper.
Recently Steve has taken to languishing around the changing room in his birthday suit after a hard day in the field, in a passable imitation of a Lucian Freud portrait. We hope this is just a passing phase. Probably unconnected, Steve resigned as the club's beleaguered director of cricket, claiming he had "failed to retain the full support of the team in what has been a difficult and challenging season. I'm 62, I said I'm 62, and this has been a job too far." A week later he reappointed himself to the role, but surely it's only a question of time now.
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| From Miscellaneous players & matches |
Phil Hill
Larger than life, smaller than Fife (just), Hillbilly is mercifully the antithesis of the modern sportsman. Never the most nimble of fielders or fastest of runners Hillbilly is nevertheless a vital cog in the WestX1 machine. Right arm slow medium off a 2 paced run up (down from 3 in his early 90s pomp) Hillbilly is the only bowler capable of knocking Stevie B off his all time wicket taking perch. The 2009 season got off to a disappointing start for Phil, seeing his first and only over carted for 27 runs. His decision to stick with the tactic of bowling leg side full tosses to their in form batter may be viewed as naive, but let it be said that all on the field that day respected him for it. Totally. Inevitably things picked up as the season progressed, and it was a great loss to the club that Phil had to work every Sunday throughout August and September. His batting maintains its consistent level, fully justifying his decision not to attend nets. Ever.
Phil has always been a hugely social person, and he enjoys nothing more than winding down after a tough day in the field with the sort of sickly sweet and brightly coloured drink normally reserved for teenage girls in the town centre of a Friday night when there's a film crew around. But Phil's behaviour is normally impeccable, even when under immense provocation from a crazed, bottle wielding chairman on last year's tour. Phil's love of sport knows no bounds, and this passion has taken him around the world. Recent sightings were in Cape Town at the 3rd test, where Sky caught him caught in the moment. He also recently fell off some mountain in Cumbria, injured but unbowed. He plans to go to the 2010 Champions League final, despite Chelsea having been dumped out of the competition by Italian duds Inter.
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| From v Gents - July 2008 |
Steve Rennie - Fixture secretary
On the face of it Steve Rennie, or the Renster, is as straightforward a character as they come, a man of reflex responses to any given stimulus, predictable as the tides. Play any amphetamine based rock of the 60s & 70s in his presence, he will instinctively crank it up to 11, sing long and hard for the duration of the song before discussing the merits of the band, normally rounded off with challenge to name their best album (top tip - their 1st album is generally the safest bet). On the cricket field he is equally predictable. With Gunn & Moore in hand he will respond to 90% of deliveries from any bowler with an attempted nurdle down to 3rd man. Questions continue to be raised as to what his batting position is, Steve believing no 5 is his god given position, the rest of the club taking a slightly different view. With ball in hand he will either sling pies from ball 1, or, bouyed on by the accuracy of the first, will increase pace to the immediate detriment of his line and length. Either way carnage ensues.
Steve's other great love is the country ramble. Not to be confused with the dignified pastime of gentlefolk through the ages, his walks in the country often resemble the dystopian nightmare of a doomed Vietnam patrol. Whilst he can legitimately claim no lives have been lost in any of his walks, it is surely only a matter of time before someone pays the ultimate price for his navigational failings. (See Whimsy for mountain mishaps). Somewhat surprisingly he is a fine organiser, he has grabbed at the opportunity to organise and bully his way to a complete fixture list in record time.
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| From Somerset 2009 |
Dave Bender
Tommy Trinder lookalike, Stentor soundalike, Dave 'Tommy' Bender has quicky imposed his larger than life character on the club since being introduced by beer guzzling acquaintance Dave Laing some years ago. He has become an ever present, ever keen member of West X1, the lettuce chomping animal loving conscience of the club. A fearless slip fielder, underrated batsman and under bowled bowler, his contribution cannot be understated. A stylish if idiosyncratic batter, his average has improved steadily over the years. He last year recorded his maiden maximum against the all conquering Gents last season, and it's hoped that he incorporates more heave ho than leave ho in the coming season.
Previous reports had it that Dave could not stay faithful to one club, that he was a cricketing tart who would play with anyone for the price of a pint and a good time. Fortunately Dave has worked hard at repressing his promiscuous gene, and was pretty much faithful to the club last season. I say this, of course this is pure speculation, who knows what sort of grubby matches he plays of a Saturday through the summer months?
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| From Somerset 2009 |
Neepam Bhatt
As West X1 entered the new millennium the future looked bleak. An ageing team with an army of average players and a losing mentality seemed to be heading for acrimonious oblivion. A chance encounter with a cricket mad family in Gunnersbury park during one home match can in hindsight be seen as one of the most significant moments in West X1 history. Enter one Neepam Bhatt , who, along with his now discredited cousin Bhav, were instrumental in turning the fortunes of the club around. Both talented, young cricketers, keen outfielders, fine batters, bowlers, and mouthy to boot, the club was transformed by their presence. Neep brings to the club a joie de vie, an exuberance of youth that the rest of the team (Ro aside) can only marvel at.
At the club AGM Neep proudly announced his wife was expecting in the summer, hurrah! And that he would therefore be playing fewer games this season, hurrooh! Hopefully this was just a rash November statement that he will regret, come the season's opening.
Cheeky, cocky, chirpy, irritating are all adjectives that can and have been ascribed to Neep, but none would wish to change his character.
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| From Miscellaneous players & matches |
Andy Cox
A recent recruit, rambling roustabout with a penchant for bird watching and 1970's punk fashions, Andy was coaxed out of a 10 year retirement to once again dazzle with his unorthodox swing bowling and dogged batting. Undeterred by his first ball welcome back straight where one least wants a first ball he was fortunately wearing his 40 year old cricket box which held firm as do his 1950's original wood soled cricket boots from an era when boys were boys, men were men and squatting on Kensington Church Street had an altogether different meaning.
Over the winter months Andy was a pivotal figure in the poetry revival that continues to flourish across the web site. His bittersweet homage/attack on London's parakeet population evoked Hughes in his prime. He also plays in a band by night receiving rave reviews from those who have seen him. If his body holds out great things are expected this term. Stop press - his left knee has just Van Persied, see you in August Andy.
Justin Norcott
Justin Northcott "crossed the floor" from arch rivals the Gents, prompted by a number of factors, not least of which is Westie's relaxed post- (and occasional pre-) match "prayer meetings". Justin bears the dubious distinction of being the first Tory to play for Westies. Despite this he gets on well with the clubs firebrand ex-socialist chairman, and indeed all his team mates. Justin is one of the club's resident artists, turning out a nice line in portraits of modern icons. Apparently laidback and quiet (to the extent of smiling beatifically at the police in Brixton tube station and consequently being busted) there is an inner fire within Justin , which apparently becomes evident in violent episodes late at night on the tube.
A batsman of classic (at times Boycott-esque) technique, a mobile fielder, and with a dad who is the spit of Graham Gooch, Justin is part of the team's "youth policy", being one of only 3 players under 30. Sadly he was absent for large portions of last season, allegedly in Thailand but possibly connected with the aforementioned Brixton incident.
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| From Miscellaneous players & matches |
John McGirr
John McGirr is Westie's great raconteur. Peter Ustinov to Chris Dane's Noel Coward, John has been known to reduce his team mates to tears of hilarity. McGirr has a tremendous capacity for drink (as evidenced by his figure) which he imbibes with no apparent effect on his coherence. A lifelong Gooner who has spend most of his adult life prostituting his talents to the Sunderland supporters club, he is clearly a more complicated figure than he would have us believe.
Economical with metronome accuracy, John is also capable of taking flurries of wickets. He challenges fellow deceptive trundler Phil Hill (to whom he bears an uncanny, separated at birth, resemblance) for the title of least mobile fielder. McGGirr manages to achieve this distinction whilst retaining his dignity, which is something which cannot always be said for Mr Hill. John is also a bit of a cricketing tart, with Sunderland Supporters having first call on his services. Fortunately for Westies, the Makems only play about 6 games a season.
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| From france 2009 |
Dave Rawlings
Mad Dog is one of the revered 'golden generation' of BT cricketers who sought refuge in WestX1 when the economics of competition put the BT leagues to the sword at the end of the 90s. An opening batter of the stand and hit variety in the mould of Tresco, Gayle or Armanath, a mad dog innings of 10 overs or more will generally have moved the game out of reach of the opposition. Sadly an innings of more than one over was a rarity in 2009, but hope springs eternal. A more than useful wicket keeper he is an all round asset. The main chink in mad dog's armour (aside from his incompetence in the face of spin) is his availability for fixtures. A more bloody minded approach to family life is required if Mad Dog is to fulfil his undoubted potential.
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| From Miscellaneous players & matches |
Stewart Taylor
Flamboyant, adrenaline fuelled, football obsessed, artistically tinged, insect loving, lounge lizard and left arm fast bowler Taylor has the blessed talent of taking vital wickets at vital moments and in a lengthy career can claim many highly prized scalps. A Bob Willis like run-up and deceptive away swing has like Salome, tempted many and combined with a polished batting technique he has become the Cliff Thorburn of West XI grinding out runs where many had fallen. Whilst his batting technique is close to Cliff Thorburn, his social life is closer to the Hurricane or the Whirlwind. With a love of locally produced cider and a 24-7 constitution he has performed minor miracles on many occasions arriving at games when many would have taken the road most travelled. In fact it's when his body is running pure that he struggles, as if the baggage of a clear mind and healthy body is too much for him to bear.
2009 saw him in fine form with bat and ball, but sadly he played fewer games than his beloved Joe Cole. Rather like Joe Cole, a full season should see him achieve immortality.
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| From v Gents - July 2008 |
Rowan Allerton
The future is unwritten for this pocket rocket of a player with talent in abundance and the lone product of the West XI academy, yet surely if he chooses it will be laden with glory. Rowan's progress through the ranks has been a marvel of modern times and at the tender age of 15 stands on the cusp of superstardom. In the style of the northern 'grand lad', Ro bats with a confident abandon (not something that can be said about his father), brought about by unshakeable self belief. He backs his eye against anything thrown at him, an attitude that brought him close on 300 vital runs last season. He brings the same rumbustious approach to his bowling and put in some fine shifts.
2009 saw Rowan marking time, and the anticipated explosion of talent failed to materialise. Too frequently he got himself out early, though on occasions he decimated the opposition, notably against Edgware and Bures. With the ball he was often dangerous and always likely to take wickets, but lacked the application to keep the runs from flowing. Hopefully the confidence gained from surviving the ill fated lake district trip will translate into runs and wickets next term. Soon to buy a moped, lets hope he can keep that on the straight & narrow.
Ro is crap at volleyball.
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| From Miscellaneous players & matches |
Dave Laing
Dave Langoustine Laing is something of a throwback to a bygone age, an age of saucy seaside postcards, of spiked cricket gloves, of George & Mildred and On the Buses. Sartorially he ploughs his own furrow, taking inspiration from the film Kes. His resemblance to Brian Murphy is uncanny, and one suspects him waging a war on his estate agent neighbour whilst reigning in his promiscuous wife.
Dave continued to take wickets throughout 2009 as we have ocme to expect. What we did not expect was his emergence as a reliable number 10 or 11 batsman. Clearly the helmet has given him greater confidence, as has surviving the beamer to the melon in the nets last year, and his contribution to the record breaking 10th wicket stand in Menorca the year before. Not a great stylist, its runs and wicket protection that counts.
Aside this partnership Dave's main contribution to Western civilisation is in the invention of the motion inducing breakfast cereal Shredded Wheat. Who amongst us can lay an equivalent claim? He can appear grouchy, especially when asked to umpire more than 10 overs, or when asked to eat fish, dismissing any debate with a curmudgeonly and heart felt 'fuck off'.
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| From Miscellaneous players & matches |
Phil Walton
Long serving, long suffering and long travelling club stalwart, crazy horse Walton is the stuff that clubs are made of and just loves his cricket. When not badgering the Captain to field under the batsmen's armpit or practising his short left arm jab to the boundary he is quite content to kick back and contemplate his annual run-fest wager with el Rensterino or next long distance train journey with fellow steam enthusiast Hillbilly Hill. Something of a ladies man, ex BT fielder of the year Walton, notably enjoys all aspects of touring and holds the record for the fastest beaver in the history of Shepton Mallet skittles.
Another graduate of the BT academy, Phil has recently cured his lifelong fear of flying, just as said activity becomes socially unacceptable. Litigatious by nature, his involvement in 'carpetgate' is now in the hands of his lawyers and has been hotly denied, whilst the blame for 'eggfriedricegate' has been swallowed by long time rival Renster. A controversial figure at all AGMs, he is a stickler for procedure which he uses to wind up more easy going members.
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| From Somerset 2008 |
Damien Zachlod
Ipod wearing, Guinness swilling, tour attending, nuclear loving Francophile Damien had something of a curates egg of a season popping up in West XI's far flung destinations but sadly missing most fixtures closer to home. This is becoming something of a habit, seemingly the only way for us to get more out of this gregarious Cornishman is to relocate to the Paris suburbs. Skillfully balancing his love of all things French with the most English of games was never going to be the easiest of tasks but we hope to see him donning the whites this year and rhapsodising joyously on diabolical umpiring decisions and balls lost in the glaring sunlight. A phlegmatic and philosophical batsmen occasionally prone to 'playing around a straight one' we anticipate his signature innings and as the saying goes - England expects!
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| From france 2009 |
Prabhu Bapu
Solid of technique, an opening batsman of the highest order with a tendency to self destruct only compensated by his talented glovework and ability to assume the persona of a testosterone fuelled hyperactive schoolboy with obsessive compulsive tendencies, Prab has tried to move forward from his 2008 annus memorablis. Sadly a sense of direction has never been one of his strong points....
This lack of direction coupled with poor timekeeping and an inability to read maps has led to numerous misunderstandings and missed matches, most notably when he arrived at the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street ready for a match held at Bank of England's ground in Roehampton. Any easy mistake to make until you consider he works in the City and may have noticed the lack of village green. Prab's job description is, apparently, Senior Member Relationship Manager. We wish him well in his new role, he is a beacon of hope in a dark, uncaring world.
An economics guru, he has recently become a Doctor of Philosophy.
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| From Miscellaneous players & matches |
Mike Dalanian
Mike is another 2009 debutant introduced by fellow muso chairman Ali, he has become a regular member of the squad. His easy going nature and stylish play have impressed all, but sadly the runs failed to materialise. This is surely the result of a combination of bad luck and a 5 year hiatus from the game, and 2010 will see a reversal of fortunes. He has been in impressive form with ball in hand in the nets so far, so will likely bowl more overs this summer.*
Mike is something of a snappy dresser, with a penchant for slick western suits and authentic cowboy boots. Like Ali, Mike deals in vinyl and spends much of his winters in Cuba 'maintaining contacts' with Havana musicians and dealers, with little apparent impact on his health. Further reading - Dirty Havana Trilogy by Pedro Juan Gutiérrez.
* written prior to the Cicinatti over
Matt Cattee
A 2010 newbie 'discovered' by outgoing skip Wrighty at a cricketing jolly at the Oval. Matt has brought the enthusiasm of youth and a fair amount of talent to the winter net sessions impressing in his debut outing against Cincinatti. Capable of moving the ball both ways and varying the pace Matt looks to be a welcome addition to the bowling attack. His maiden effort with the willow was also a rare highpoint in an otherwise moribund WestX1 performance.
